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Traditionally, high school students spend an inordinate amount of energy preparing for graduation, as it is a time to rejoice at one's accomplishments. The long search for graduation dresses and preparation for the notorious "Graduation Dance" is the highlight of every high school girl's dream. This preoccupation also falls upon the mothers and families of girls.
Typically, the notion of getting all dressed up like a princess and dancing away with a prince charming, whisking the night away in sweet romance fills the air. But it is what happens after the graduation dance that does not sit well with many who come from conservative ethnic cultures.
During their children's graduation, many parents from eastern cultures like India, China and the Middle East loathe the idea of sending their daughters off into the night on graduation night. It has been the American tradition to allow our children a chance at romance; the term, 'your high school' sweetheart rings across western countries in the same tone. But are we in fact endorsing dating and sexuality too early?
Some may subscribe to the adage, 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do,' but evidently many immigrant communities do not follow this in fact, many refuse to do as the Romans do and instead, do as they please which is to mold their children according to their own ethnic traditions.
Eastern cultures are known to be more conservative placing focus upon the disciplinary and academic structures of their students. Dating and sexuality is usually found on the back page of their books on life's passage. Perhaps these disciplinary lifestyles contribute to their higher achievement in academic studies as recently evidenced by the high Math and Science percentile standards of Easterners. For generations, these cultures have lived seemingly disciplined lives, content with simple things and ways coupled with high thinking and morals. Their divorce rates are usually lower, even though their domestic problems creep up the charts but that's for another article.
An example to illustrate my point: an Egyptian friend and co-worker, Shera (in her mid-20s) who is a bred American fully accultured into American ways, did not attend her high school graduation due to a conflict in cultural outlook. She did not have a boyfriend as it was not acceptable in her family tradition to have one at such a young age. This is also true in the Indian culture, which often places very stringent mores upon their daughters adhering to traditions that subscribe to virginity at marriage and submissiveness to authority figures within the family. In fact, Shera's so-called date for the night disappeared and "never showed up again, ever," she recounted with a laugh. She planned on attending the dance just to 'fit in,' although it was out of line with her family traditions to whisk off into the night. That's not the end of the point.
Shera is now married, but her younger sister, Rushi is going through the same ordeal this year. I have seen a photograph of Rushi a sweet girl with the most beautiful hair. But she does not have a boyfriend. It's not her fault really - she just can't seem to connect with any guy at the present time, as she is more on the serious side; Rushi wants to be a journalist. So guess what? Rushi will not be attending her high school graduation either.
I avoided my high school graduation for the same reason I could not adapt to the "unknown" of graduation, as I was still new to the country. My sister avoided her graduation dance as well when we reflected back 15 years ago. I thought it best to skip the whole ordeal to avoid embarrassment, which brings me to the other side of the coin in this perspective: some girls do not care for the graduation dance and its aftermath.
I wonder about students of conservative cultures being subjected to these high school graduation traditions that conflict with their family values. Why should a young woman be expected to have a boyfriend at 15?
As I mentioned earlier, many cultures of Indian origin do not subscribe to these rites of passages. Indian families abhor the thought of their young daughters going out at night. Some parents do not expect their daughters to be sexually active, but there are exceptions depending on the degree of cultural assimilation which is contingent upon the family's ability to maintain their cultural mores at odds within a new environment.
As ludicrous and barbaric as it may sound, a couple of years ago, a Guyanese Indian man in the New York area killed his wife when he learned that his teenage daughter was pregnant. In Guyana, any (Indian) dad would have literally done exactly that - as pre-marital sex is absolutely not acceptable.
I feel educational institutions and educators in general should tune themselves into the intricacies and ways of conservative cultures. I think high school students should feel free to avoid partaking in a cultural tradition - which conflicts with their family values and their own cultural traditions. It is ultimately the young woman's right to choose what she wants; she may not be prepared. And I salute those young women who stand strong in their beliefs.
"Do as the Romans do," does not jive anymore these days. Bottom line is, I still don't see how early dating benefits teenagers, especially girls. We do not need more teenage pregnancy within our communities and I still fail to understand why dating is evidently encouraged via the media and educational institutions in our society.