| Ploughs and pimpernels by Tony Deyal Advice-bad vice by Tony Deyal No bed of roses by Tony Deyal Egotiators... by Tony Deyal |
Emo the merrier by Tony Deyal Dog is my love by Tony Deyal Meet me in Vegas by Tony Deyal |
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A teacher gave her class the first part of some supposedly familiar proverbs and asked the students to complete the sentences. What she got was: If at first you don't succeedstop. Don't count your chickenseat them. A watched potnever disappears. If you can't stand the heatget a pool. Look before yourun into a pole. A penny saved isnot much. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cryand you have to blow your nose. The pen is mightier thanthe pigs. You can't bit the hand thatlooks dirty. Where there's smoke there'spollution. An idle mind is the best way to relax. Then there is my favourite, "Where there's a willthere's always confusion and a bunch of lawyers." This brings us to Leona Helmsley who just left US$12 million to her dog "Trouble" and left out two of her grandchildren. This by itself is a recipe for trouble and for litigation. But while there are troubled times ahead for the Helmsley estate, Trouble will live in the lap of luxury until she dies and suffers the punishment of being next to Mrs. Helmsley, the harpie hotelier, who was known as the "Queen of Mean".  Mrs. Helmsley's legacy
to her dog is one of many that seem to contradict the standard
"Being of sound mind" which prefaces every last will
and testament. One example is Ms. Eleanor Ritchey who, according
to a media report, was the unmarried granddaughter of the founder
of Quaker State Oil. When she died in 1968 she left an estate
worth around $12 million. According to Scott Bieber in Trusts
and Estates magazine, "Under her will, she left over 1,700
pairs of shoes and 1,200 boxes of stationery to the Salvation
Army. The rest of the estate went to the dogs." The reference
was to real dogs - a pack of 150 strays that Ritchey had adopted
as pets. A woman in Doncaster, England, left £500 to the
Doncaster Branch of the RSPCA, requesting it be used to provide
dinners at Christmas for dogs in their care. A well meaning
Englishman left money to the "Royal Society for the Protection
of Cruelty to Animals". Another wanted his money to go
to "The Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds."
He had to be cuckoo. Another dog lover decreed, "and my
ashes shall be handed to Susan H to be scattered in the Chihuahua
ring at the Three Counties Show after judging has taken place."
There have been cases of money left to cats but in one instance
trouble was not just a dog. One cat-loving lady left her whole
house to be used to provide for her cat. The lady's funeral was
to be held on a clear summer's day, and her cat was sunning itself
lazily on the drive outside when sadly it was run over by the
hearse.Some wills don't just leave money, they leave real dilemmas for the authorities. A woman in Cherokee County, North Carolina left her entire estate to God. The court instructed the county sheriff to find the beneficiary. A few days later, the sheriff returned and submitted his report: "After due and diligent search, God cannot be found in this county." Norman Earnest Digweed's will entered the hall of famous wills when he directed that his estate of £26,000 be placed in trust for 80 years for Jesus Christ should he return within that time. Quite a number of people came forward to claim the estate which nevertheless passed to the crown after the 80 years was up in 1977. There are people who use their wills for vengeance or for the chance to have the last laugh. Anthony Scott, in his last will and testament wrote: "To my first wife Sue, whom I always promised to mention in my will. Hello Sue!" Sara Clarke of Bournemouth directed in here will, "To my daughter, I leave £1 - for the kindness and love she has never shown me." A Walsall lady was different. In her will she left £50,000 to each of her children, Roger, Helen and Patricia. Their inheritance was not to be spent on 'slow horses and fast women and only a very small amount on booze'. When American patriot and Revolutionary War hero, Patrick Henry died, everything he owned was left to his wife - as long as she never married again. If she did, she would lose the legacy. "It would make me unhappy," he explained, "to feel I have worked all my life only to support another man's wife!" She remarried anyway. An Australian named Francis R. Lord left one shilling to his wife "for tram fare so she can go somewhere and drown herself." The inheritance was never claimed. One man left his employer one shilling to buy a book on manners. Some people like to go out in style. One example is the case of Sandra West, a wealthy 37-year-old Beverly Hills socialite. She left most of her $3 million estate to her brother - provided he made sure she was buried in her lace nightgown and Ferrari, with the seat slanted comfortably. He complied (who wouldn't for that much money?). The Ferrari was surrounded with concrete so no one would be tempted to dig it up and drive away. The one I like best is about this New York lady who was preparing for her final days. As part of putting everything in place, she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted. She told him that she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales!" he exclaimed, "Why Bloomingdales?" She replied wisely, "That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week." * Tony Deyal was last seen talking about the sports fan who told his wife that if he was ever in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle she should just pull the plug. She unplugged the TV and threw out his beer. |